The Green Pill Secret: Unrequited Love

TimeHorse May 9, 2025 No Comments

Welcome everyone to a new episode of the Green Pill Secret, welcoming you from a moonstruck Reston, VA. This post is being released at precisely midnight as we’re only a month away from the Summer Solstice. And with the extra sun comes longer evenings and time for dates and time to meet new and interesting people.

But then you meet that special gal—or guy—and she’s the world to you. You’re flabbergasted by her beauty and features, and you hang on every word she says. She likes you, to be sure, but… she just can’t think of you in that way.

Folks, that’s unrequited love. When you’re attracted to someone who can’t reciprocate those feelings, you’re doing no-one any good to hold onto them. You’re not only hurting yourself, but you’re making her feel a little creeped out because you can’t accept she only wants to be friends. Or worse, you see her from across the room and you don’t even talk to her. Folks, that unrequited love.

Don’t be doing this to yourselves, folks. If he’s just not into you, if she’s got better things to do then spend time with you, cut them loose. Refocus your energy on someone else, someone more receptive to your charms and unique attributes.

The moment she spells out that you’re too old, it’s time to accept things and reevaluate. As I’ve said before, Bayesian induction is the cornerstone of rationality. You can’t go wrong with constantly updating your priors. Sure, if I was only 3 years older and never married, the woman might have been willing to date me, but that will never be and such a hypothetical is pointless because it can never be.

Finally, let’s be real, when it’s the woman having a thing for a guy, she’s not always going to be likely to tell him. Because it’s very rare for a guy to notice if a girl fancies him, he’s kind of stuck in a conundrum of not wanting to ignore potential unrequited love, but not sure if that’s what’s really going on; maybe she’s just really friendly and polite. So, if he broaches the subject, and probes her to see if she wants something more, admitting that he’s willing to try if she does, and then she spells out that no, she’s not interested in that, she just wants to be friends, then accept friendship. He will move on, because he was just trying to see if he was missing something, and she should move on because the inquiry was not unrequited love, it was just being opened to the possibility.

In general, she’ll know if he has a crush. The probe shouldn’t be the only thing to tip her off. And if he does have that unrequited love for her, it’s best to move on. Date, fail, date, fail, and date again. Love ain’t easy, but the better you roll with the punches, the better off you’ll be in the end.

The Green Pill Secret: Bad Breakup

TimeHorse May 1, 2025 No Comments

Welcome everyone to a new episode of the Green Pill Secret, coming to you from Reston, VA… or is it Neist Point on the Isle of Skye? I visited Skye in 2018 and this is one of my photos from that lovely trip with my ex-wife, the last trip we ever took—because of the pandemic.

Of course, I did say ex-wife, not because her name started with the letter X, but because after 25 years I knew I was being stifled and had to escape. After years of being threatened with divorce at the smallest disagreement, and other negative signs, I decided that this wasn’t the best course for me and ended up giving her what she wanted in anger despite revoking in peace.

However, I always say it’s best to be a gentleman, and to be a good gentleman it’s best to divorce not with vindictiveness, but with kindness and doing what I could to make sure she would end up on her own two feet.

I’ve done the same when I break up with a woman I’m dating. One time, I drove to Dover, Delaware to deliver my sad news in person. I’m happy to say we remain friends to this day. Another time, I met her at her home to deliver my news, and she hemmed and hawed to try and change my mind, but in the end she conceded my desire to just be friends—unfortunately, she blocked me during Passover, but unblocked me when it was over and we’re now friends.

On the other hand, there was the Lawyer who broke up with me after 2 dates, and we remain friends. And the opera singer who I dated twice, then became distracted by a number of things, then reconnected, but she also decided she was just interested in friendship and I was happy with that. I also didn’t mention the Geologist I dated that one time who we kind of just drifted apart but still remain amicable. And the Irish woman, even if she was ENM, after she ghosted me—and that really hurt me—when she came back into my life, all I ever wanted was friendship.

But then there’s the one who attends my church and told me I was too old. I really thought we had something. But, if I’m too old, I’m just too old and I have to move on. I’m glad we’re still friends—but I miss her hugs! But I still love Pastor Ray‘s sermons.

Anyway, my best advice when you break up is just be kind and empathetic, but firm in your convictions. Never show maliciousness, and even if you can’t be friends right away, consider that someday that may still be a possibility. Just don’t go walking off some cliff, thinking your life is over—another love is just around the corner.

The Green Pill Secret: Emotional Intelligence

TimeHorse April 24, 2025 2 Comments

Welcome everyone to a new episode of the Green Pill Secret, brought to you from lovely Reston, VA. This week we’re talking about Emotional Maturity through Emotional Intelligence. I, personally, am the first to admit I sometimes lose my cool. I don’t like it, but it happens. For instance, they inserted a new line item into my lease requiring me to pay for the common area at utility rates which would be more expensive than for a 4000+ sq ft. / 375 m²  home but divided among 100 or so apartments. There’s no way gas and electric for one month of the common areas is more than $3,500, it should be about a tenth of that for the given common area square footage.

Point being, something like that, dealing with it and reading a 66 page new lease agreement and trying to get this episode out, it’s a lot of stress. And when I went to export the video, would it just be my luck that Final Cut Pro crashed and deleted all my edits! So, I couldn’t export it when I was down, complaining to the leasing office and then had to edit it again when I got back. Needless to say, I was angry and as there was noone but me to complain to, I yelled at the walls as I headed for the leasing office to kowtow to their weird new amenities rider. And, it didn’t help that that the Adobe Reader was doing a terrible job with Text to Speech!

Anyway, someone called me while I was trying to negotiate my lease and I called them back for a potential contract to hire job opportunity—which is likely the best option opened to me at this point. And I’m late for this Maryland Tesla Owners event. So, just keep calm and carry on and you’ll be fine as long as you remember to regulate your emotions!

The Green Pill Secret: TradWife

TimeHorse April 17, 2025 No Comments

Welcome everyone to a new episode of the Green Pill Secret, recorded with love right here in Reston, VA. This week I wanted to delve into a topic which doesn’t get a lot of publicity. The idea of a TradWife, or Traditional Wife in the Abrahamic religions, is the idea that a man is responsible for bringing home the proverbial bacon, as in working for a salary worth its weight in salt.

Meanwhile, the TradWife just wants to stay home, take care of the household, raise your children, and make your domestic life as good as she can. She’ll be there to cook and clean for you, and keep the house running and the appointments for you and the children, and even run the budget to make sure the income never sinks below spending. Or, at least, she’ll try do do a subset of that, as much as she’s capable, and with her husbands limited help. And she still deserves her night out with the girls, to sing Karaoke or what not, maybe where I’m even hosting an event.

The point is, she’s trying to make the home run well, and the kids are safe, and he’s out earning a living for his family.

The thing is, many women would love to be a TradWife. And, what’s more, many men would love to marry a TradWife. It just seems so many of these man and women aren’t connecting, despite sites like Christian Mingle and JDate. Now, I know I don’t currently have the readership or the viewership to be my own matchmaking site, but feel free to comment below if you’re looking for a TradWife, or looking to be a TradWife. Who knows, maybe your special someone will read it and reply!

The Green Pill Secret: I’m Always Right

TimeHorse April 10, 2025 No Comments

Welcome everyone to a new episode of the Green Pill Secret, coming to you from right here in Reston, VA. This week is all about being right. Which is to say I’m not always right, and neither are you! The point really is to understand that if you always have to be right, then you’re going to have issues long term with people who hold different beliefs trusting you. And likewise, if you’re with someone who has to always be right, this can be a toxic relationship that you may need to extract yourself from.

The truth of the matter is that, in any relationship, sometimes you’ll be right, sometimes your partner will be right. You need to be open to both possibilities in any dispute. And, if you can’t come to an agreement, then just Agree to Disagree. In the end it’s not worth it trying to win every battle and having a Bayesian outlook will do you a world of good. I always allow myself to update my prior assumptions. Granted, there are some of my beliefs, issues I hold dear as strictly non-partisan, which are so deeply entrenched with Priors that I’ve heard every argument there is to my positions and have refuted every one. It will take great evidence to dissuade me of advantages of electric cars, the benefits of one person, one vote, and my core belief in equal rights for women. Not saying you can’t dissuade me of those positions, I remain opened to any arguments against any of my beliefs, but with those examples, you’re gonna have to work pretty hard and probably again to agree to disagree.

And in the domestic sphere, never should it be said the man is always right in his castle, or the women is always right in the home. Nobody is always right. Even if they’re right 99 times in a row, that hundredth time they could be wrong.

The Green Pill Secret: Attachment Types

TimeHorse April 3, 2025 No Comments

Welcome everyone to a new episode of the Green Pill Secret, produced right here in Reston, VA. This week is based on a book we once read in The Science Book Club. In that meeting, we discussed Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—And Keep—Love, by Dr. Amir Levine, MD and Rachel S. F. Heller, M.A.

The basic idea of the book is to define each of us in terms of 3 broad and sometimes overlapping categories:

  • Secure Attachment
  • Anxious Attachment
  • Avoidant Attachment

The idea here is a secure attachment type is confident in their relationship and trusting of their partner, having faith that their love is reciprocated. Meanwhile, an anxious attachment type is constantly afraid that they are about to lose their partner, and need regular reassurances that their partner still loves them. Finally, the avoidant attachment type is someone who brushes off signs of affection directed toward them. They generally take their partners for granted and are aloof to their partners needs. However, when their partner is seeming to have had the last straw of neglect thrown at them, the avoidant partner often suddenly changes and becomes very conciliatory, trying to keep the relationship going.

Now, attachment types are not absolute. Someone who’s avoidant may still have some traits which are secure, or even anxious. Likewise, an anxious attachment may have a kernel of secure attachment in them. And, more importantly, ones attachment type can change over time.

I like to use the personal example of my first (and only thus far) marriage. When I entered into that relationship at 25, I was very anxious, having spent the previous decade of my life asking out girls and getting repeatedly rejected. Meanwhile, I know can see my ex-wife has some traits of an avoidant attachment type. Sadly, this dynamic of Anxious with Avoidant is all too common, and oftentimes an Anxious individual will be drawn to the Avoidant partner because the Avoidant partner is recapitulating past trauma of rejection and neglect which caused the anxiousness in the first place.

Now, that said, I’m a lot older than 25 now and it took years of therapy and self-reflection for me to realize I was someone special in my own unique way—as are all of you!—and it was through that realization I was able to break the curse of Anxious Attachment and become more Secure in my attachment style. I’m able to set boundaries and have self-worth to know that I do deserve to be happy and deserve to be loved. I can have faith in myself, and as a more secure attachment type I can help someone who’s anxious to see value within themselves, and be strong enough to notice avoidant behavior and not put up with it, demanding dialog to resolve the constant yoyoing of love and neglect.

Finally, although I say in the video that the avoidant / anxious trap is one you should consider exiting and breaking up, please understand I’m saying this would be best for me. It is possible for an anxious and avoidant partner to become more secure, it just takes more time. But if you’re willing to put in the effort, more power to you! What was true for me, it may not be true for you!

Anyway, thank you for joining me this week as I discuss Attachment Types!

The Green Pill Secret: Tall Queens and Short Kings

TimeHorse March 27, 2025 No Comments

Welcome everyone to a new episode of the Green Pill Secret, produced right here in Reston, VA. This week’s topic is all about Tall Queens and Short Kings. By queen, I mean someone who identifies as a woman, regardless of how they dress or if they are cis or trans. Likewise, the king is just someone identifying as male, be they cis or trans. I’m also talking about Heterosexual Relationships. It’s not that I wish to ignore homsexual relationships, but the point here is comparisons of the opposite gender so hetrosexuality is implied, but of course homosexuals may have their own height preferences and there’s nothing wrong with that. And of course if you identify as non-binary, you’re also allowed your preferences as you see fit. And of course mad respect if you’re ace.

Now that that’s out of the way, let me get straight to the point. Yes, in general men are taller than women. The average height of a woman in her 20s is 162.6±0.32 cm / 64.02±0.13 in, and for a man in his 20s is 175.8±0.30 cm / 69.21±012 in. Let me repeat, the average is about 5 foot 4 for women and 5 foot 9 for men. And as you might expect for an average, that marks us in the 50th percentile meaning approximately half of men and women are are below or above these averages.

Let’s first examine one of the most common “requirements” women may put in their dating file: he must be six feet tall. The 85th percentile, meaning only 15% of men are as tall or taller than this, 183.1±0.30 cm / 72.09±012 in. That means that your simple criteria is already alienating 85% of all the possible men you could be dating. And think about all the other women competing for those same 15% of men. Of course, a woman will generally be attracted to a taller man, but again, if the 50th percentile woman is 162.8±0.32 cm / 64.09±0.13 in, and up at 172.8±0.32 cm / 68.03±0.13 in we’re in the 95th percentile meaning only 5% of women are taller than that—only 5% are really Tall Queens, and for them especially, they’re just below the 50th percentile for men, meaning only half of the men are available to them if they require someone taller. But, that’s Hegemony for you!

Now, let’s consider the Short Queens for a moment. Remember, half of all women are shorter than 162.8±0.32 cm / 64.09±0.13 in, meaning many of them are shorter than that and as guy generally will go for most women shorter than them, when the short queen of maybe 158.1±0.32 cm / 62.24±0.13 in and short in the 25th percentile. If the six foot guy dates one of these women, almost a foot shorter than him, he’s move himself out of the options for those Tall Queens still looking for a taller guy. And this is what our Tall Queens are lamenting. One less choice for them when there are so many women just 12.5 cm / 4.92 in or less shorter than that guy. I get it, but maybe it’s time for the tall Queens to consider dating shorter men?

Meanwhile, we have our Short Kings, who in the 5th percentile of men are 164.5±0.30 cm / 64.76±012 in, meaning that 5% of men are shorter than this. While about half of women are this tall or shorter, it’s equally slim picking because 95% of me are taller and may be going for the same women meaning our Short Kings could be having issues finding someone just a little bit shorter. So, why not date a Tall Queen?

That’s all I’m saying, give some love to those rare and wonderful Tall Queens, and show some respect and affection for those Short Kings out there. Some of you ladies could just date someone shorter, and some of you dudes could date someone taller.

Because height, be it in centimeters, inches, or feet, is still just a number.

The Green Pill Secret: Unaliving (A.K.A. Suicide)

TimeHorse March 20, 2025 No Comments

Welcome everyone to a new episode of the Green Pill Secret, produced right here in Reston, VA. This week, we’re discussing a most series topic; a topic so fraught I can’t even call it what it is on YouTube for fear of demonetization. Mind you, the channel as it stands is about 9,990 subscribers away from ever making a single penny but I digress. (Though, if I was able to make money I could afford a guest host, so until then you’re just going to have to suffer my ugly face for the time being.

Anyway, first and foremost, if you need help, please exit this sight immediately and visit the Crisis Hotline or call 988. I am here to listen and give you a place to vent or just be a kind voice but I’m no expert and the folks at that number and url are. Seek help, please!

Now, as far as things to look forward too, I admit I love my Doctor Who and Ncuti Gatwa. And I can’t get enough of those James Webb renderings. And I’m always happy to sing George Harrison Karaoke, even if I can’t even make it to the second round of a contest. And as for this podcast, sure, I’m no Joe Rogan, but then I never was on News Radio either. Point being, I may not be the best at anything, but I just need to try and be good at some things, and not worry about how I compare to others. And you should see too that you’re unique in all your different skills and while not the master of any, you’re well equipped to be quite skilled at many! And isn’t that worth living a striving for?

So, adopt, adapt, and improve my friends and please do reach out if you need a helping hand.

The Green Pill Secret: Sapiosexuality

TimeHorse March 13, 2025 No Comments

Welcome everyone to a new episode of the Green Pill Secret, produced right here in Reston, VA. This week we’re talking about Sapiosexuality. Simply put, today is all about it being okay to be smart! Maybe your jam is science books like The Science Book Club, which I run and am making the 2025–2026 book poll as I write this. Or, maybe you’d like to check out the Maryland Science Book Club? Or maybe the Eco Book Club.

Or, maybe you like to write, like I do, and have been running Reston Writers for 15 years. Maybe you like public speaking and would like to be a Toastmaster (that’s me in kneeling in the blue shirt)—this podcast wouldn’t even exist if it hadn’t been a challenge in my Persuasive Influencer journey. Or, maybe your jam is Cosplay. Maybe you want to read some fiction like Isaac Asimov and his Foundation series, or you read Harry Potter, Outlander, or the Murderbot Diaries. Maybe someday you might even want to read some of my fiction. Or, maybe you’d just like to get in some star gazing with my astronomy club. Maybe you just want to watch the latest Doctor Who episode with me? Or maybe you just like to make up your pretty face before a lovely Karaoke session. Whatever your number, it’s all good.

The goal of someone seeking a Sapiosexual partner is to find someone who is smart, well-rounded, and is able to talk about a variety of topics. And that’s why I consider myself a Sapiosexual. How about you?

Thank you for watching and reading as we completed our first year of podcasts. We started with friends, but in the end, we had to go it alone. Thank you for sticking with me! Here’s to another successful year!

The Green Pill Secret: Hegemony

TimeHorse March 6, 2025 3 Comments

No matter how you pronounce it, Hegemony, or more specifically Hegemonic Masculinity, is the idea that the man and the woman have specific gendered roles when it comes to dating. In and of itself, that seems rather innocuous, but problems occur when taken to extremes. One example of an extreme is a guy telling his girlfriend she can’t have any male friends. Don’t do that!

Another things is when you say she can’t use Instagram to share photos of herself. Don’t do that! While I have my concerns about Chasing Likes, it’s not your business what she chooses to share. Of course, you can be concerned if she’s sharing private messages with another bloke which are emotionally inappropriate or too sexy for simple friendship, then I do have every right to be at least concerned.

And of course, you need to give her the freedom to see and spend time with who she wants. Have a little trust and don’t spy using whatever tools exist for that (I won’t repeat them here for safety’s sake). Don’t do that!

On the other hand, what about money? One interesting statistic is that because more girls go to college than boys, the average salary for a single woman in her twenties is actually a fraction of a percent higher than the boys in her age group. Nonetheless, a man should be ready to pay for the first, second, third, and a number of their initial dates. It’s on him to select the venue, and he shouldn’t select a venue he can’t afford to show a date a good time. Of course, she might want to Go Dutch. While she has every right to do so on a first date, this is in some ways insulting to the man, who expected he would pay. It implies the woman didn’t have a nice time and won’t be interested in a second date. Of course, she might still be, but he might not even bother to ask because he’s already feeling slighted. Try not to do that.

Now, paying for a meal or two, or a movie, or the amusement park, that’s all well and good. But, the problems occur when you take that too the extreme. A woman could, for instance, be into Findom. While she has every right to see men as a wallet she has total control over—and, let’s face it, some men do like this—for most men, this is going way too far with the Hegemonic relationship. Don’t do that!

And of course, there’s the extreme, money for intimacy. It’s typically illegal to solicit for sex almost everywhere (unless you go Dutch). But, it does exist and even a quid pro quo of a monetary gift in return to intimate access can be considered against the law when there’s actual physical contact. Or, you may see personal ads, asking for roses. Or, you might be charging your Tesla, late at night, and be approached by a woman asking for money. Be strong, and keep your money in your wallet guys. Don’t do that!

In the end, all it comes down to is being a gentleman, and accepting your responsibility to make her feel safe and secure with you, and avoid any extremes, just don’t do that!

But do check out this week’s episode!